Last year, a few months after the publication of my first novel, I began writing my second book. I thought it would be easier this time, as I was armed with knowledge and experience and wouldn’t make the rookie mistakes I’d made first time around. I now knew how to structure a novel, show character, bridge plot holes. I was looking forward to writing a book as a ‘pro’ and not as a ‘novice’.
But when I sat down to write this ‘easier’ second novel, I found myself struggling with every word and sentence. By the end of 2018, after working on this book for most of the year and with no finished draft on the horizon, I was despairing. I felt as if I’d let everyone down—my publisher, my readers, my family, myself.
Why couldn’t I just sit and write the damn story? Obviously, I had no self-discipline and wasn’t a real writer. I began to wonder if I even had another novel in me.
I remembered back to writing my first novel and how, each morning, I’d wake and race to my computer, full of excitement as I turned the images in my head into words. Without knowing Wordsworth’s advice, I truly filled my pages with the breathings of my heart because I had little else to guide me, just a story that was burning to be told.
I started that first novel with no knowledge of the art or craft of writing, having written nothing other than doctor’s letters for my patients since I’d left high school. I didn’t know the ‘rules’: what made a good story or what constituted good writing. All I had was a desire to tell a story and my own gut instinct.
There’s a joyful freedom in being naïve and ignorant. I wrote what came up without judging its quality. I just opened the top of my head and let my words spill onto the page. It was liberating, exhilarating even, to surrender to a story like that, let it be my guide and go wherever it wanted to go.
In my ignorance, I didn’t know I had gaping plot holes, overwritten scenes and superfluous characters, and kept writing forwards to the end, without going back and editing, thus laying down the bones of my story.
I wrote the first draft in a year, and then spent five years editing it, sifting out the chaff, probing for themes, crafting better sentences and, ultimately, making the story readable. Few of my original words made it into the final manuscript yet, even after all the rewrites, at its heart there remains an innocence and an honesty that comes from the rather artless-but-natural way in which I wrote that first draft.
I turned myself inside-out for that novel and wrote my most tender, intimate self on the page. By the time I’d finished, I had nothing left to give. It was the most deeply personal work I’d ever undertaken.
As I wrote my book, I had secret hopes for it, which I kept close to my chest and didn’t tell a soul, not even my husband. I’d hoped my book might be published one day, and that people might read it and love it as much as I did.
I had higher hopes, too: that it might make a bestseller or an awards list. (You’ve no idea how embarrassed I am to admit that!)
While writing my novel, I didn’t think about where it might sit in a bookstore. I had it pegged as a ‘book club book’, one with an entertaining story as well as deeper layers and themes. When it was published, it was labelled ‘commercial women’s fiction’, but it didn’t sit neatly in either the commercial or literary genre: commercial readers found it too literary, and literary readers thought it too commercial.
It sold well, especially for a début novel, but it didn’t make any ‘bestseller’ charts. After spending six years writing it, I didn’t break even financially.
My book was ignored by literary reviewers and awards judges. It won an emerging writer prize and at the festival where I was given the award, a bookseller told me, in a bemused sort of way, that the festival ‘didn’t normally give awards to commercial books like yours’.
I started to feel embarrassed by my book and as I re-read some of the chapters, I found my prose simple and immature, the plot implausible, and I wondered how I’d ever felt proud of it.
So, when I started writing my second book, I wanted to write one that would be a ‘success’. I didn’t want to spend years writing a book for little reward again. My then-agent wanted a synopsis, which I sent. She suggested changes, so I complied. But when I tried to write it, I couldn’t write to a synopsis; I felt as if I’d been strait-jacketed.
I made thirteen more attempts at my novel last year, trying different styles, voices, angles, coming full-circle and trying them all again. I re-read my favourite books and noted what I liked about them—their sentences, structure, literary devices—and tried to emulate them in my own work.
The whole time I felt as if I was squeezing my brain through a mangle to wring out a few reluctant words. My writing was ‘thin’ and boring, and the characters clichéd. My brain felt barren and stale, and nothing flowed—not words nor ideas. I felt none of the joy I’d had writing my first novel.
Worst of all was the internal editor who sat on my shoulder constantly parroting in my ear, ‘Readers won’t like that’.
I knew what the problem was long before I could admit it to myself. I knew I wasn’t being honest in my writing, but I didn’t want to write another deeply personal book and have it fall into the crack again. I kept hoping I’d be able to compromise, write a book that wasn’t really me but that would be a ‘success’.
I tried a few things to ‘free me up’. I did a course to help get that internal editor off my back, but it didn’t work. I sought help from a writing coach, but I couldn’t let go of the idea that my first novel had been unsuccessful, even though that wasn’t true, and that my second one had to do better.
Sick of my stumbling attempts at writing this novel, I started a mentorship with Kathryn Heyman. From the excerpt I sent, Kathryn could see that I’d lost my confidence and wasn’t enjoying writing. The first thing she told me was that I needed to find my joyful, playful self again. Her suggestion was that I should set the novel aside and free write to prompts every day for a month.
Even before I’d finished writing the first prompt, I was on my way. Turned out, I just needed to be reminded of the joy of writing without inhibition and the gold unshackled writing can uncover.
Now that I’m writing with pleasure again, I realise I don’t regret last year, as torturous and painful as it was. I needed to experiment with different writing styles to discover the type of writer I am. I needed to learn that there’s no point in writing if it’s not enjoyable. I’ve learnt not to compare myself to others. I now wonder if ‘Second Book Syndrome’ is really just authors coming to terms with their style.
It turns out, I’m not the type of writer I aspired to be and while I feel a wee bit of grief that I can’t write lyrical prose sparkling with metaphor or humorous books with quirky characters, there’s plenty I can do. I can write honest books with heart. My writing might sit in the crack between literary and commercial fiction, but I’m okay with that now. I’m even going to embrace it as my very own: the Louise Allan ‘In the Cracks’ Genre.
Louise grew up in Tasmania but now lives in Perth with her husband, four children and two dogs. She is a former doctor and has a passion for music, photography and nature. Her début novel, The Sisters’ Song, was published by Allen and Unwin and won the 2018 Tina Kane Emergent Writer Award. Prior to publication, the manuscript was shortlisted for the 2014 City of Fremantle—TAG Hungerford Award and awarded a Varuna Residential Fellowship. Louise was the 2019 Scholarship Writer-in-Residence at Katharine Susannah Prichard Writers Centre. More information at https://louiseallan.com/
I struggle to write every day and have enormous respect for anyone who has published anything. I was inspired to continue writing when I read your book. I was completely swept off my feet and read and reread some of the beautiful sentences. Some have stayed in my mind’s eye and gave me hope that one day I could write something so deeply moving. By the end of the book I felt as though I had been on a spiritual quest for forgiveness or redemption or both. I am looking forward to reading your next story/poem/short story. I will also continue to write in the cracks unseen and unheard but inspired by your writing. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this lovely comment, Rhiannon! So glad I was able to inspire you to keep writing. Keep going, and I hope that one day you’re seen and heard. 🙂
Hi Louise, you have no idea how much I needed to read that post this morning! I’m still working on the first book – a few years in – and struggling to find again that initial pleasure I felt writing the first draft. All the best with your second book.
Hi Fiona, I’m so glad this spoke to you! Yes, try to soak in all the wonder and pleasure of writing your first book. It’s a mammoth undertaking, but one that enriches your life. Although, it’s a bit like having children—we enjoy it more when looking back!
I loved this honest account of publishing a debut and finding an authentic writing voice. Thank you for this.
Hi Magdalena, So glad you liked this post. So many emotions in publishing your first book and writing your second! Louise x
What a wonderful article. Thank you Louise for expressing so well the sometimes painful, sometimes joyful, journey of the emerging writer, I’m now onto my second novel, after modest success with my first ‘Capriccio:A Novel’. Like you, I didn’t receive media attention as I’m an ‘indie’ author. But reviews from readers have more than made up for that feeling of ‘falling through the cracks’. What counts is giving readers pleasure, more than getting awards and acclaim.
Hi Dina, You are so right—what really matters is giving readers pleasure, being able to move them with your story and words. It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important. Good luck with your second novel! Louise x
Louise, I adored The Sisters’ Song. It was one of the best books I read in 2018. I inhaled it. I think as writers we all struggle with self-doubt, but just continuing to show up and place words on the page as honestly and succinctly as we can will eventually lead us where we want to go x
Thank you for reading my book and it’s lovely to be reminded you enjoyed it so much! Gosh, self-doubt is the pits but, you’re right, turning up to the desk and plugging on is the only way. I love the phrase ‘place words on the page as honestly … as we can’—that’s definitely what we need to keep doing. xx
Oh Louise……. Such honesty.
What a wonderful read, as was your beautiful first novel, and, as your second will be. I’m no writer, but I sure understand every word that I just read. You had a base….and a story that you needed to get out with The Sisters Song. You have to find the next story and believe in it.
Good luck. Hard work never killed anyone. Keep at it, and keep smiling. It will come together.
Thank you, Maxine. I’m sure people everywhere relate to trying to doing things for all the wrong reasons, until they wake up to themselves! I’m still writing book #2, keeping at it and still smiling! Covid’s caused a little hiccup in the routine, but I’ll get back into it again soon.
Louise my heart breaks for you. I absolutely loved ‘The Sisters Song’. It doesn’t need a label and it was straight from the heart. Please keep writing . I am really looking forward to your next book. cheers Delores.
So lovely to hear you enjoyed my book and, yes, it was straight from the heart. I won’t stop writing, don’t worry—I’m still addicted! xx
I loved ‘The Sisters’ Song’ and have been waiting patiently for your second novel to read… Thanks for explaining so eloquently how hard it’s been to get into it. After reading this, I shall be a little more patient and be quietly excited for what’s to come.
I’m writing as fast as I can, I really am—Covid hasn’t helped, though. After this, I’ll be able to write a book about writing a book. 😅 xx
Thank you Louise for your honesty and heartfelt words. I have just commenced a course to help me finish writing a first draft, and I have been frozen at the keyboard, knowing others in the course will read what I write and the words just aren’t flowing. You have given me the confidence to persevere. Congratulations on your beautiful story. You ARE a writer.
Gosh, I hope you did persevere, Debbie! Good luck to you, and I really want to read your book one day! 🙂
What a struggle! Thanks for sharing your trials and how you rediscovered your joy of writing. I put long years of effort into my first book too and it was hard to get started on the second. I guess that was writer’s block but I didn’t recognise it at the time. I like to think I am self aware but when it comes to my own writing issues I have no idea what is going on until it is all over! Cheering you on to finish your second!
Writers’ block is so hard to recognise when you’re stuck in it—you don’t know you’re in it until you’re out of it. Like when you’re anaemic—because it creeps up on you, you don’t realise how tired you were, and just think you’re being lazy, until you feel better and realise you’re not lazy at all. We berate ourselves for writers’ block when, really, there are good causes behind it. I’m sorry you had trouble writing your second book, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone. 🙂
Louise, thanks so much for this honest and heartfelt post. I read and very much enjoyed ‘Sisters Song’ and in face would be delighted and thrilled if I could write something nearly as good! I’m amazed that you found yourself doubting yourself and your writing after it.
I have been working on my first novel for two years now and am at a complete standstill with it after some pretty hard (but fair and honest) feedback. I’m experiencing many of the doubts and entanglements that you describe. Somehow it’s kind of comforting to know that a skilled author like you can also experience these emotions. Writing is hard, and when the joy goes it’s even harder.
I’m determined to keep writing though, maybe not necessarily with the work I’ve struggled with, but more short stories to develop skills further, in the hope I can return to my novel manuscript again later.
Anyway thanks agin for your post and your terrific book and I look forward to reading your second one.
I wish I could have replied to you sooner (there was a glitch with the comments on Lee’s website)—don’t let bad feedback stop you writing. Every single writer on the planet has had it, even the very best writers. Short stories are an excellent tool for learning, so keep going! Write, learn, improve. Repeat. I hope you finish your book one day. 🙂
Oh Louise you are very passionate about everything that you do . So happy that you have found the joy again… 🌹
Thanks, Maureen. Joy in what you do is essential—I know you already know that! xx
Such a lovely frank piece. I am looking forward to enjoying your second book as much as I did your first! Joyce x
Thanks for your lovely words, Joyce—still plodding on with novel #2, but will get there eventually! xx
Louise, I felt every word of this post, all the way from Montana, USA. I am in the post debut novel year, and I too am trying to write the second novel. I have had to own up to my inner shame about my first novel, which has been ignored by all reviewers and also walks the line between literary and commercial. I think you’re right, btw. I think this year post publication must be about writers discovering and being honest about what kind of writer they actually are. I’m not there yet, which is putting pressure on me as I’ve decided to go away for ten days by myself and try to see what happens. In November. Maybe nothing will happen and I am giving myself permission for that, too. I have thought I should quit. I have thought maybe I only had one novel in me. I have thought, well just what kind of writer am I? I have examined every character I’ve ever written and learned that I no longer want to punish these women I write. Where does that leave me? I don’t know. I will find out next months, I guess. I will try your mentor’s exercise. Thank you so much for writing this and thanks to Lee Kofman for publishing it here. BTW, can we get your book in America??
Christy, I’m so glad Louise’s post spoke to you so much! And I’m very sorry for this late reply; had technical problems with my website. But now all is fine. (With the website that is, not with the world…) I’ll alert Louise now to all the comments that are finally visible and hopefully she’ll let you know about her book. Happy writing to you 🙂
Hi Christy, Thank you so much for writing all the way from Montana, USA! I remember your email, too! I’ve said all your words, including about giving up, believing I only have one novel in me, and wondering what type of writer I am. How did your writing go when you went away last year? Did you try the exercises I mentioned in the email? Would love to hear how it went. I hope you’ve re-discovered your joy of writing. xx
P.S. I’m still not sure if my book’s available in the US but it can be ordered from Book Depository in the UK and posted to the US.
Wonderful words.
So glad they spoke to you! xx
This is so honest! Bravo. It’s a wonderful post. You can only write what you write. Own that. xx
I have! Thanks for your vote of confidence, Kylie! xx
I so look forward to reading works from your ‘In the cracks ‘ era. I love a gritty tale Louise!
But to be honest, your reflections caused a tear to well. Some of your ructions since Sisters was published are familiar, and I believe, very common to writers everywhere. And it is this plainly iterated detail and obvious honesty that we readers (and writers) love about you and your style. Don’t stop! Just keep being honest, and give yourself a break and a pat on the back! Time is a knowledgeable mistress. If no one has said that yet, I claim it as my current life motto, and experience, no less. Michele
Love the ‘Time is a knowledgable mistress’ phrase—may I borrow it for myself? And you’ll be pleased to know that the ‘in the cracks’ genre is slowly coming to life here in the attic. 🙂
Dear Esteemed Dr Kofman
So glad to come to knowing you and your writing.
Writing is very hard and demands the utmost patience, humility, endurance and perseverance.
Your experiences resonate with mine–it was faith, humility, patience and pursuit of meaning and joy
that kept me going. Writing is the most demanding and ‘obsessive’ (beautiful obsession) thing in the world
and equally applies to music and all the other arts. But being a hobby-writer and not commercial, I am not stressed.
I am diligent but not well-organised…this slows down progress….. I compose in between writing.
My wife and I live in Melb. Hope to meet you and your husband after this crisis is over.
Just done my 6th book–on Tao leadership to be released in Sept. The 5th has done well, independently published-
IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF ZEN–THE PATH TO A CALMER AND HAPPIER LIFE qv Lim Meng Sing. The previous 4–memoir and poetry
plus a joint publication on love were self-published. Shall read yours. Came across your name and work by sheer chance. With my esteem and best wishes. Peter
Dear Peter, thank you for your kind words. I can’t take credit for this beautiful post as it’s a guest post by the writer Louise Allen, but I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed it as much as I did! Thank you for sharing your own story too. Warmest, Lee
So glad you enjoyed this post, too! Yes, writing is an obsession for me too. How magical that you combine composing and writing—two beautiful art forms. 🙂
Hi, I realize from the comments that Sisters was published a couple of years ago but now the Age book club has re emerged it with a voucher to buy it from Dymocks. My friend who follows the Age purchased it and I have borrowed it and so far really enjoyed the first chapter. I always like to find out more about authors and was delighted to read this post. Wow . someone said we all have ‘a book in us’, and I think maybe, but really will only get dust on the shelf and not into a published book. I really enjoyed how you shared the process and look forward to your second book. You have inspired me that I could do stage 1, just write from the heart and work on the tweaking later. ( years??) from Rosemary in Tas. p.s. if you get to read this I have to point out one small thing but huge to me, p 10 ‘inhaled…cow pats’. goodness me, not many in this world would comment on that. When you are from a farm and after the rain and the sun and warmth creates an incredible perfume from the cow pats that for sure. Now that is attention to detail and brings a smile at the memory…so I am all in.
Rosemary, what a lovely response to Louise’s book, thank you!
Hi, again. Now at the end of the book I feel I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I cant believe such an intelligent well paced book is a debut novel. The descriptions were so real that you were transported to every location, the era, the attitudes etc. Makes for great discussions in a book club. I will certainly be recommending it to others. All the best in future writing!
Thank you so much, Rosemary! Reading this has made my day!
P.S. I love your comment about the cow pats above—their stench is still in my nostrils!